European Union foreign ministers met in Brussels on Monday, trying to decide on a course of action going forward to maintain their well-earned reputations for cowardice without angering the Orange Man in Washington.
They settled on taking a vote not to interfere with Iran’s efforts to try to sink oil tankers in the Straits of Hormuz and murder innocent sailors. Of course, there was no official roll-call vote (at least one they wanted the world to know about), but they let it be known that the vote against helping the United States break the Iranian blockade was “near-unanimous,” according to Politico.
According to recent 2024 and 2025 data, approximately 6.2% of the EU’s crude oil imports pass directly through the Strait of Hormuz. While the EU is significantly less physically dependent on this route than Asian markets (where over 80% of the transit is destined), the strait remains a critical chokepoint for the bloc’s broader energy security and refined products. Up to 50% of the EU’s jet fuel and 20% of its diesel fuel pass through the Strait.
But the EU can’t be bothered defending the Strait.
The Orange Man made his feelings known immediately. “We have some countries where we have 45,000 soldiers, great soldiers, protecting them from harm’s way, and we have done a great job,” he said. “And well, we want to know, do you have any mine sweepers? ‘Well, we’d rather not get involved, sir.’”
Later, he added, “It will be very bad for the future of NATO” if European nations do not join with the U.S. in its effort to reopen the Straits to tankers carrying oil, gas, and fertilizer.
“I think we’re going to have some good help. And I think we’re going to be disappointed in some nations, too,” he said.
“I’ll let you know who those nations are,” he added.
First in line to surrender to the Iranians was Britain’s socialist prime minister Keir Starmer.
“My leadership is about standing firm for the British interest, no matter the pressure,” Mr. Starmer said. He added that his administration was working with “all of our allies, including our European partners,” on what could be done collectively to reopen the Strait.
Perhaps sending a strongly worded letter to whoever’s in charge in Iran would help.
Related: U.S. Intelligence Believes New Iran Leader, Mojtaba Khamenei, Is Gay
Collectively, and just between you and me, the EU is a bunch of cheese-eating surrender monkeys who are terrified of Iran unleashing their terror cells on European cities and don’t want their soldiers to get their dress uniforms dirty by humping through the desert.
“For 40 years, we’re protecting you, and you don’t want to get involved,” the president said, mockingly. “I’ve been a big critic of all of the protecting of countries, because I know that we’ll protect them, and if ever needed, if we ever needed help, they won’t be there for us. I’ve just known that for a long period of time.”
I would like to strangle some of these people.
Several European leaders explicitly rejected the president’s call to send their navies into harm’s way, even as the U.S. and Israeli-led war continues to drive up the price of global energy.
“This is not our war; we did not start it,” Boris Pistorius, Germany’s defense minister, said on Monday morning. He said Germany wanted diplomatic solutions and “sending more warships to the region will likely not help achieve that.”
“Diplomatic solutions?” Someone hit this German over the head with a wiener schnitzel.
Earlier this month, Mr. Macron had said he supported the idea of sending French naval ships to escort tankers through the strait, though he said it could happen only after the fighting stopped. On Monday, the French foreign ministry posted on social media that its navy was staying in the eastern Mediterranean: “Posture has not changed: defensive it is.”
How appropriate. France will be glad to send ships after the war ends. You can’t make this stuff up.
Don’t you wish there were a way we could reopen the Strait of Hormuz and only allow tankers bound for the United States to pass safely? Let the EU escort its own shipping, and if someone shoots at them, I’m sure an epically phrased strongly worded letter will be forthcoming.
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