This is what happens when you mess with a man who doesn’t just have big, ahem, cojones, but has actually earned the moniker “Big Balls” — and is nationally and internationally famous for it.
According to The Washington Times, two 15-year-olds from Maryland have been arrested in response to an alleged unarmed carjacking on former Department of Government Efficiency employee Edward Coristine during the early hours of Sunday morning.
Coristine, you may recall, is the 19-year-old software engineer who made news for using “Big Balls” as his pseudonym online. The media had a field day with it, despite the fact this is a man with a number of startups who also managed to back off two carjackers in the Logan Circle neighborhood while defending his car and his girlfriend, who was in it.
The outlet reported that other teens were involved in the carjacking besides the ones arrested, but fled when police showed up. Coristine himself was left bloodied.
“Mr. Coristine pushed the woman into the vehicle for her safety after the teens made threats about taking the car. Several of the kids then attacked him until police arrived,” The Washington Times reported.
In a post on Truth Social, President Donald Trump shared praise for Coristine as well as a warning to young men who are charged as juveniles for beatings like the one the former DOGE staffer endured.
“Crime in Washington, D.C., is totally out of control. Local ‘youths’ and gang members, some only 14, 15, and 16-years-old, are randomly attacking, mugging, maiming, and shooting innocent Citizens, at the same time knowing that they will be almost immediately released,” he wrote.
“They are not afraid of Law Enforcement because they know nothing ever happens to them, but it’s going to happen now! The Law in D.C. must be changed to prosecute these ‘minors’ as adults, and lock them up for a long time, starting at age 14,” Trump continued.
“The most recent victim was beaten mercilessly by local thugs. Washington, D.C., must be safe, clean, and beautiful for all Americans and, importantly, for the World to see,” he said, including a graphic picture of a beaten Coristine.
Should Big Balls’ attackers be prosecuted as adults, regardless of their ages?
“If D.C. doesn’t get its act together, and quickly, we will have no choice but to take Federal control of the City, and run this City how it should be run, and put criminals on notice that they’re not going to get away with it anymore.”
Former DOGE head Elon Musk also offered words of support for the staffer and the same threat that Trump did.
“A few days ago, a gang of about a dozen young men tried to assault a woman in her car at night in DC. A @Doge team member saw what was happening, ran to defend her and was severely beaten to the point of concussion, but he saved her,” he wrote on X.
“It is time to federalize DC.”
A few days ago, a gang of about a dozen young men tried to assault a woman in her car at night in DC.
A @Doge team member saw what was happening, ran to defend her and was severely beaten to the point of concussion, but he saved her.
It is time to federalize DC. pic.twitter.com/RPHKj7J3ti
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) August 5, 2025
While Washington, D.C., is a federal territory officially governed by Congress, the Home Rule Act of 1973 gave the District significant local self-governing authority.
The Washington Times noted that, as per data from Washington’s Metropolitan Police Department, violent crime is down in 2025. It is also worth noting, as anyone who has lived in Washington for any length of time will tell you, that this is not saying particularly much.
Coristine was mocked for his nickname when he first took the position with DOGE, with many saying it was proof that the department didn’t take itself seriously.
The programmer struck back, noting that the name came from his LinkedIn profile, where people are a bit too serious about things.
“People on LinkedIn take themselves, like, super seriously, and they’re adverse to risk, and I was, like, well, I want to be neither of those things, so I just said it, and honestly, I didn’t even think anyone would notice,” he told Fox News in May.
He’s currently with the Social Security Administration, looking for waste, fraud, and abuse in the same way that he did at DOGE.
Police, meanwhile, are searching for the remaining suspects. Given the efficiency of the non-federalized parts of Washington, D.C.’s governance, all I can say is we should just be thankful they managed to catch even two of the alleged perps in the “Big Balls” attack. We don’t have to live like this, though — and, if Trump has his way, the citizens of Washington perhaps won’t have to put up with this.
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