Well, I finally have to admit it: Orange Man is bad. The fake-tanned government hack is evil, and not only that, but he tries to act like an ordinary guy while he’s gaslighting us all.
However, there’s a slight twist to the story.
Now, the fake-tanned “Orange Man Bad” is former FBI Director James Comey, who’s inexplicably back, even more inexplicably dropping videos on how he’s not just a fan of Taylor Swift’s music but a confirmed “Swiftie,” and generally acting so surreal I was pretty certain the video was generated by AI.
I’m not sure which would be worse — but no, it’s genuine Comey, minus the intelligence.
In a five-minute video he dropped Sunday in which I’m pretty convinced he dropped some acid before filming, Comey talked about how he’s getting over COVID, loves putting “Tay Tay” on while he mows the lawn, and also continued to flog Russiagate hoax nonsense eight years after getting fired and six years after the Mueller Report essentially decimated the entire Donald Trump-Kremlin collusion narrative.
Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin are back in the news, obviously, after the two leaders met in Alaska on Friday. Nobody really got anything substantive, which led many observers to feel that Putin had gotten the upper hand by coming to U.S. soil and not backing down.
Of course, this is the same thing that observers said after the Trump-Putin summit in Helsinki in 2018, an assessment that proved so accurate that Putin… waited until the Joe Biden presidency to invade Ukraine.
That Vlad: He plays 7D underwater Go while Trump is only playing 4D chess.
Whatever the case, the summit gave Comey an excuse to drag his fake-tanned, adipose self back into the spotlight and announce that how he dealt with “bullies” was the music of Taylor Swift.
At this point is it possible for Comey to humiliate himself any more than he already has?
The video, originally posted on his Substack account, called his case of COVID “quite a flashback” (again, I think this lends more credence to my dropping acid theory).
Another flashback of his: “Donald Trump is still president, and still humiliating America on a national stage, standing next to Vladimir Putin.”
I believe the words you were looking for were “international stage,” but whatever. “It’s like a dream, a bad dream you can’t wake up from,” he said. Hey, kind of like taking LSD. So I’ve heard, anyhow.
But he wasn’t there to talk about that, he was there to “talk about a truly inspirational public figure named Taylor Swift.”
Yes, “of course” he saw the interview she did on the podcast hosted by her boyfriend Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs and his brother, retired Philadelphia Eagle Jason Kelce. And, of course, it gave him the inspiration he needed in the face of the guy who fired him still being president.
“While our elderly makeup-covered president is posting about whether Taylor Swift is still hot and declaring that he can’t stand her, what’s she doing?” Comey said.
“Living her best life, producing great music and, as she urged all of us to do during the podcast, not giving the jerks power over her mind.”
Clearly something that Comey hasn’t been doing in the eight years since Donald Trump fired him. Not one bit.
But this went on way longer than a 64-year-old former FBI director should be talking about a 35-year-old pop-star’s music.
“Taylor Swift has grown up with my family and provided us a soundtrack, really, as we’ve grown ourselves and learned and adapted and dealt with adversity and celebration,” Comey said, adding that a woman nearly three decades younger than him has helped him learn how to deal with “bullies.”
“I don’t want us to become like Trump and his followers,” Comey said. “There are far more decent, honest, kind people in America than there are mean jerks. And don’t get me wrong, we have our jerks, millions of them.”
However, he said that Swifties “need to stand up to jerks and defend what matters, but I think we have to try to do that without becoming like them, which is what makes me think about Taylor Swift.
“She’s made clear that she sees Donald Trump for what he is. Last year, she urged Americans not to make the serious mistake of electing him.”
He went on to talk about being in a family “Swiftie” group chat and how he was changed when he saw Swift for the second time 14 years ago (we had an early Swiftie as an FBI director, one who made the decision not to charge Hillary Clinton over her email server, and some people are still wondering why Trump fired this guy) when he said Swift sang the lyrics “why you gotta be so mean?”
That song, “Mean,” was aimed at a music industry critic, who was doing what critics do: critique musicians. Swift couldn’t take it. This probably wasn’t the ideal citation, but Comey ran with it.
“I bet you got pushed around. Somebody made you cold,” Comey said, reciting the lyrics to the song. “But the cycle ends right now, because you can’t lead me down that road.”
“You’ll be glad I didn’t sing that. That’s right, because down that road of unhappiness, nobody should have that power over us.”
Oh, and in case you were wondering: His favorite Swift tunes are the 10-minute version of “All Too Well” (the extended version with “f*** the patriarchy” in the lyrics) and “Exile” with Bon Iver. (At least he didn’t call him “Bonny Bear.”) He also seemed to admit to throwing money at Taylor for his family. I mean, OK, I guess:
This is not parody. This is former FBI director James Comey. After using his power for years to entrap Trump, Flynn and others, he tries now to come across as a normal guy, a Taylor Swift fan, and a champion of civility and decorum. I’d love to see this sociopath locked up. pic.twitter.com/DD6Jqxq2jh
— Dinesh D’Souza (@DineshDSouza) August 17, 2025
My first response was the video was … well, James Comey’s response to trees a few years back:
So many questions. pic.twitter.com/66KaR52Kk8
— James Comey (@Comey) March 24, 2019
His psychedelic dealer has been coming through for over half a decade now, it seems.
Once you get beyond the sheer preposterousness of the moment, the gravity strikes you. This is a guy whose job was to prosecute the nation’s most dangerous criminals and who supercharged the Trump-Russia collusion narrative for years after he got fired from it. And, after the second summit between Trump and Putin put it all back on the map again, his response was to relate it all back to… Taylor Swift and how he’s a “Swiftie.”
There are hot takes, bad takes, truly horrible takes, and then there’s this. It makes you long for the days when he was going viral for his “86 47” Instagram post — which may have been interpreted as inciting violence against the president, but was at least cogent.
In no way, shape, or form should this man have ever been part of our national discussion. The fact that he still is as anything more than a figure of fun for the right to trot out every time he decides to trot his own incoherent self out for the rest of us to laugh at should be an embarrassment to the Washington establishment that continues to embrace this self-evident charlatan as one of the “grown-ups” who used to be, and still should be, in charge of the country.
The Bad Orange Man is on your side now, lefties and Swifties. Enjoy!
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