Zack Polanski is just the kind of loon the Green Party deserves

Everything you need to know about the Green Party of England and Wales is contained in the fact that its newly elected leader, Zack Polanski, once told a woman he could make her boobs bigger through the power of thought. It was a decade ago, Polanski was working as a hypnotherapist, and he straight-up told a Sun journalist and possessor of petite 32B breasts that he could expand those puppies with therapy. It’s an ‘extremely new approach’, he said, and a ‘lot cheaper than a boob job’. ‘I feel my nipples begin to tingle’, said the Sun journo as Polanski did his boob-expanding sorcery.

How fitting that this boob whisperer is now leader of the Green Party. That a man who once fell for the hocus-pocus bullshit that you could hypnotise flesh itself is now in charge of a party beholden to the hocus-pocus bullshit of trans and End Times climate alarmism. He’s since apologised for what one media outlet aptly called his ‘misogynistic experiments’ on women who want bigger breasts. He’s come back to his senses. Yeah, now he just believes that people with literal balls can be women and should be permitted to relieve themselves of their clobber in women’s changing rooms. Not mad at all!

Yes, the Greens, the party your lesbian aunt votes for, the party that thinks the world is coming to an end and your life should be made as shit as possible while that happens, has a new leader. Following a fractious battle between wet wipes in suits that not a single soul outside of SW1 or the Novara Media offices has ever heard of, Mr Polanski has secured the Green crown. People – by which I mean plummy recyclers who while away their weekends brunching and screaming ‘Genocide!’ – are excited. Polanski is young (well, 42), gay, Jewish and ‘anti-establishment’. He’s just what the fusty Greens need, apparently: ‘Less Home County geriatric and more insurgent with a green beret.’

Anti-establishment? Do me a favour. Polanski has not once expressed a view that wouldn’t win giddy applause at a Coutts Bank soiree. He thinks Israel is committing ‘genocide’ in Gaza. That’s a mandatory belief on the dinner-party circuit. Access to the cultural establishment is now pretty much dependent on your willingness to bow to the neo-religious belief that the Jewish State is the wickedest state. He thinks transwomen are women, as does every time-rich donut in possession of blue blood or blue hair. He thinks mankind has poisoned poor Mother Earth. What, like Davos Man does? And King Charles? And every sap in the gold-collared super-class who flits with staggering ease between cutting deals and bemoaning the ‘human footprint’? Eco-hysteria isn’t anti-establishment – it’s elite misanthropy given a lick of woke paint.

The post-science, truth-dodging nature of the Green Party is summed up in its fervent supping from the cup of transgenderism. An old headline in gay mag Attitude said Polanski ‘blasts Keir Starmer’. What terrible offence had Sir Keir committed? He said – after much pressure from the great female warriors of TERF Island – that ‘a woman is an adult female’. That’s it! He said what humans have known since we first came down from the trees! Yet Polanski was fuming. Starmer’s comments aren’t ‘just a dog whistle’, he said – they also speak to a ‘complete capitulation to transphobia’.

Let me get this right: we’re expected to believe these people when they say ‘The Science’ says our planet is doomed, and yet the next minute they’re gagging into their handkerchiefs because someone said a woman is a woman? Polanski’s current beliefs are actually more bonkers than his old boob beliefs. At least back then he just thought a woman could improve her bust by positive thinking – now he thinks a fella in full possession of a schlong and bollocks can be a woman and go into women’s spaces. Making a Sun reporter’s nipples tingle is nothing compared with giving the nod to a bepenised person to swagger around in women-only zones.

I don’t know about you, but I will heed not one word of ‘science’ from people who have so thoroughly rejected the truth of biology that they’ll happily do that liberal head-tilt of sympathy when some weirdo in a dress says, ‘I’m a lady!’. The world’s coming to an end, you say? Just like you said 6”5 Dave is a lesbian? Even more unconvincing than Polanski’s science, even crazier than his boob whispering, is the idea that he’s a populist. An ‘eco-populist’, no less, who might tap into Britain’s ‘constituency of disillusionment’, says Owen Jones. (If I was Polanski, I’d be worried: the last person Jones bigged up as the potential saviour of ‘disillusioned Britons’ was Russell fucking Brand.)

Let’s get one thing clear: ‘eco-populism’ is a profound contradiction in terms. It matters not one jot how much Polanski goes on about nationalising essential services or taxing the super rich – his genuflection to eco-hysteria makes him a moral foe of the masses. Eco-alarmism could never be populist for the simple reason that it is a top-down reprimand of ordinary people by a haughty elite sickened by growth and consumerism. Witness the Ophelias and Edreds of Just Stop Oil who blocked roads, ruined football matches and even screwed up the snooker as part of their effort to ‘re-educate’ the polluting throng: that is environmentalism. It’s the rump of aristocratic Britain sneering at the oiks for their insatiable lust for, you know, good jobs, cheap energy, fast cars and nice lives.

Some people think Polanski wants to make the Greens into a kind of ‘anti-Reform’, referencing Nigel Farage’s party that is doing well among the former Labour voters of the working class. That’s about right. The Greens are the anti-Reform. As the working classes cry out for a restoration of national sovereignty, for the creation of well-paying jobs and for an end to woke bollocks, here comes Zack and his fellow tits making excuses for illegal immigration, calling for the shutting down of oil and gas exploration and saying to anyone who will listen that you can have a knob and be a woman. His Green Party will be savagely, knowingly anti-working class, pushing luxury beliefs at the expense of everyday people.

Brendan O’Neill is spiked’s chief political writer and host of the spiked podcast, The Brendan O’Neill Show. Subscribe to the podcast here. His new book – After the Pogrom: 7 October, Israel and the Crisis of Civilisation – is available to order on Amazon UK and Amazon US now. And find Brendan on Instagram: @burntoakboy